the city hates sex.

This is a snippet from lowest portion of Sex and the City’s Metacritic review.  Anything interesting about it?  Notice that three prominent NYC papers have given panned the movie?

Maybe these papers have tapped into the resident’s disdain for the fact that Sarah Jessica Parker and co. have opened the door for lonely, menopausal women to flock to the city.  Maybe it’s because the movie doesn’t do the city justice.  Maybe it’s because we’re getting sick of seeing movies, TV shows, and videogames that take place in our city.

Or, is it because movie reviewers in New York City are the smartest of the bunch and they’re easily able to identify pure crap?

New York – 1

Sarah Jessica Parker – 0

comedy=comedy.

They could make an entire sitcom with these characters and I’d watch it every week.

dactah jones!

I am very wary about Indiana Jones 4.  It could be the hangover from Iron Man, but I’m also genuinely not that interested in seeing it.  Why?

1.  The trailer has way too much CGI.  And if the trailer has alot of CGI, I’m sure the movie has alot of CGI.  Simple logic and reasoning.  This is upsetting since the first three had amazing set pieces and live-action stunts.

2.  The title sucks.  Too long.  Too vague.  Doesn’t roll off the tongue well.

3.  Sidekicks suck.  Short round was annoying.  Shia Lebouf looks like he’s going to be annoying… especially since they’re OBVIOUSLY setting him up to be Harrison Ford’s successor.  Sean Connery was good as a sidekick though, but then again, that’s fucking Sean Connery.  He can play a pepper shaker and he’d kick ass.

4.  I cannot get the image of Harrison Ford with one earring out of my head.

 

 Maybe there’s a good reason Speilberg, Lucas, and company stopped after The Last Crusade.  Maybe this series should have looked at The Grail and gotten it’s face melted off after Crusade.  Or had its heart ripped out and then burst into flames.  

…damn, this new one better have at least three twisted deaths to justify the $15 ticket.

damn girl.

Having worked/lived in 3 major cities (Boston, L.A., New York), I have to say that NYC by far has the most cat-calling.  Catcalling is the art of locating a girl, preferably young and good-looking, and throwing verbal enticements her way.  

I am not a proponent of catcalling.  In fact, I find that 95% of the time it is inappropriate and rude.  It also makes women feel unsafe, and women have the right to feel safe while walking down the streets of these beautiful cities.  

I have witnessed simple catcalling (a stationary man gawking at a girl and saying one line such as, “Hey beautiful”).  I have also witnessed catcalling that could and should lead to arrests.  I have seen men literally follow women with a barrage of sexual promises… which is disgusting and inexcusable. 

Let me defend one instance of catcalling though: the manual labor/firefighter whistle & compliment.  We are all familiar with it.  Even if you haven’t seen it in person, you’ve surely seen a movie or show where this happens.  Construction workers hammering away and one notices a beautiful lady.  He then whistles and might follow with, “Looking good!” or something harmless like that.  

As long as the comments and the gawking are minimal and PG-rated, I let these catcalls slide.  These men are working hard all day next to other sweaty, dirty men.  They do the jobs that none of us office-types would ever want to do.  If they can take a pause from their exhausting duties to appreciate the beauty of someone of the opposite sex, so be it.  

I cannot speak for the women who receive these harmless catcalls, but I get the feeling that they don’t mind too much.  In fact, what’s wrong with getting a compliment?  I’d love it if someone told me I look great as I walk down the street.  (Then again, this “simple” guy mentality is keeping me back from thinking that ALL catcalling is inappropriate.  Maybe I need to take a Women’s Studies class.)

So ladies, don’t take the dirty, stalking barrage of sexual advances from the FedEx guy.  But, if a man is hard at work on putting up the city’s next skyscraper and gives you a whistle, feel free to give him a smile  back.  It’ll make his day.

A GREAT LITTLE PIECE ON THE SUBJECT

LADIES, A PLACE TO WARN ABOUT INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR

ironman.

I feel almost obligated to write about Ironman.  Almost every podcast I listen to has mentioned this movie… so three podcasts have mentioned this movie.

I thought it was splendid.  Robert Downey Jr. was incredibly entertaining… even moreso than the special effects.  I hate to “count my eggs before they hatch,” but does anyone else find it incredible that two of the best performances may come from comic adaptations?  If you haven’t guessed, the second performance I’m referring to is Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight.  If the movie is half as good as the trailers I will be content.

 

made in NYC.

So the big news in “the biz” is Ugly Betty’s move from LA to New York.  This is great.  Here are my reasons.

 

1.  Soundstage and exterior recreations of NYC streets suck.  I spent a year working next to one and it looks just as fake in real life as it does on the television.  Since when did New York have Styrofoam trees?  

And what part of Manhattan are you in where the blazing sun covers every inch of the area at all hours of the day?  And why is there never a realistic amount of pedestrians on the walkway?  The television audience is getting smarter… we know when you fake LA for NY.  

 

2.  The entire show takes place in NYC.  Betty works in Manhattan and lives in Queens.  If you’re going to represent the city that has provided you with an amazing setting, why don’t you show your appreciation by creating jobs in NYC? 

3.  We have some kickass studios.  

4.  The possibility of running into Selma Hayek on the street has now increased by 100%.

girls + sports.

Girls and sports.  Both are great.  Both deserve attention.  But this isn’t a post to just praise both of them… this is all about girls and sports, not girls AND sports.  See?

Many guys believe that a woman who knows everything about one or all sports is a godsend.  ”Wow, if I could find a girl that could name the starting pitchers of the ’97 Astros… I would marry her.”

Really?  Because I’ll bet that she’s either 1. a lesbian  2. ugly  3.  riddled with father issues.  Not to mention it’s kind of cute to witness girls making oblivious, naive comments while watching a game.  It’s something for the guys to timidly roll their eyes and nudge eachother about.  If you want someone that can give you the batting average of the man-at-bat, why don’t you just replace your girlfriend with another dude.  

Let’s be fair though, no one likes that girl who has got her compact mirror out the entire game and cannot remember her home team’s nickname.  That’s unacceptable, especially if she hasn’t warned you beforehand about not being a fan.

Girls, if you know nothing about the game or the teams, don’t be embarrassed.  Men don’t know many things, but they do know sports, and they are there to help.  If any guy heckles you for not knowing something, he probably has a sad life where the team is his only source of pride. (see below)

So fellas, take comfort in the fact that you can actually teach your ladies some thing.  And ladies, in return, simply know that 3 strikes equal an out, the little fast guy is called a point guard, and the quarterback throws the ball.  We’ll take it from there.  

nice tat.

Everyday I take the wonderful/awful NJTransit train home.  Today was unlike any other day though.  The conductor who checked my ticket had the following tattoo:

Wait, but isn’t that Vin Diesel’s tattoo from the smash hit XXX?

Yes.

Oh… so was it a variation of it?

No.  Exactly as appears above.

Was this conductor Vin Diesel?

No, he wasn’t.

I’m sorry, but who the fuck gets the SAME EXACT tattoo as the lead character in an action movie directed by the same guy who did Stealth?  Are you Triple X?  Is the movie actually a biopic?  Are you really just a huge VD fan?  Do you think you’re Triple X or do you want to be Triple X?  Did you slip and fall onto the electrified subway tracks as a child?

The best part about this whole scenario is that this guy could get his ass kicked by Vin Diesel.  This guy could get his ass kicked by Rob Thomas.  So why the hell would he evoke comparisons to VD?  

Shit man.  This world boggles my mind.

Anyways, here’s a REAL tattoo:

 

 

just a warning.

The world could be coming to an end.  

China

Myanmar

U.S.

 

(Note to self: give Mom and Dad a hug.)

barack obama.

Listen.  We get it.  You all love Barack Obama.  This guy is more popular than the song “Barbie Girl” when “Barbie Girl” was at the peak of its popularity… in America.  I think overseas they REALLY fucking liked that song.  Good for them.

Anyways, I’m not going to get political here because I don’t want to rant on about how you should always hire someone with experience and knowledge to be the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD.  But like I said, I’m not going to get political.

My bone to pick (*giggle*) is with the endless hordes of people who haven’t given two seconds to paying attention to politics and the state of our country until now.  Would these people care if Obama wasn’t in the picture.  Absolutely not.  They’d go on and probably not vote in November.  Which is fine.  To each his own.

But now this fucking guy has brought out everyone’s political side because he has come up with the enlightening slogan of “Change!” and plays basketball with Oprah and smokes cigarettes and probably shops at American Apparel.  But honestly, is Obama really that hip?  He’s an ex-corporate lawyer.  He represents Illinois… and while Chicago is a lovely city, it’s still Illinois.  

JFK was hip.  He had the whole Cape Cod prep thing going on… and he still was able to bone-down on Marilyn Monroe.  That’s hip.  When Obama gets Jessica Simpson to sing him happy birthday pre-nightcap, then we can talk.  Until then, he’s still a stuffy, boring politician… so why not support a stuffy, boring politician who knows what he (or she… whattup Hill-dog?) is actually doing.